Broken Friendships

Why hello there it's funny running into you guys this late at night. It's not really that funny but I thought I'd open up with something considering I rarely come on here anymore unless something is really bothering me. And if you're reading this clearly there is something that is bothering me and I need to write to let it out rather than crying like I have been the past couple of weeks.

As of lately I just lost a friendship that meant the world to me. The crazy part is that I'm upset over it and I know that I shouldn't be because 1) there's a five year age difference between us and 2) he never really cared about our friendship in the first place. What is difficult for me to deal with is that he didn't care but he kept saying that he did. He treated me like shit and I treated him like shit thus being a shitty and miserable friendship.

For the longest I wanted to end our friendship but didn't have the courage to do it. I tried deleting him from snapchat for three months and it took the last straw the other day for me to finally delete him. I told him that I didn't want to lose our friendship because I didn't and that it would hurt me more than it would hurt him which it did. A part of me still wants to be friends with him even though the friendship was depressing and toxic.

Although he doesn't want to admit it I believe that he had feelings for me which is why he let me affect him the way that I did. As for me I did like him but then I stopped but I ultimately ended up being emotionally attached to him. Everything he would do or say would affect me in the most negative way possible. He used to make me happy until we got into our first fight which really changed the dynamic of our friendship. Then after that it seemed that was all we ever did was fight, make up and then fight again.

I went from being happy to be around him to never wanting to be around him and I would lie to myself and to others about how I felt. I expressed how I felt towards him and he ignored it which led to our first fight. Fast forward to the second fight were I was on thin ice with him but ultimately opened up to him again as a friend. I must have wrote the word friend a hundred times to prove a point that I only want to be friends and that I didn't want to lose our friendship. All I wanted from him was to care about our friendship and care about my needs as a friend.

I was always the listener for him but when I was going through something which I'm still going through he would never bother to check up on me and see how I was doing. Yet there I was asking him if he's okay and if he was depressed and he opened up to me and let me know that he was. I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he did and what did I do I listened to him because I care. But now all that is over with and even though I'm really heart broken over the situation i know it was the best for him and I both to just remove ourselves from each other's lives.

I'll always care for him as a person but we both need to work on ourselves if we ever hope to be friends again. And I honestly and truly want to be friends with him again don't know why but I think it's because I do still care for him and wish him the best in life. When they say friends can break your heart too they weren't kidding and sometimes it hurts worse than an actual break up with a significant other.

Well that's all that I wanted to share because I can't keep it bottled up.

Until next time,

Bre James

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Dear Younger Bre

I just want to start out by saying I'm sorry for becoming the person you feared. I'm sorry for losing faith in happiness and I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I'm sorry for being so quiet and letting things boil to the point where you want to explode. I'm sorry for being quiet when you were so outspoken and witty and loved life. I'm sorry for letting boys hurt you and ruin your life and stealing your joy and happiness. I'm sorry for not speaking out when you used to always use your voice.

I'm sorry for placing your happiness in someone else's hands and causing you to feel so much pain when they left you without giving it back. I'm sorry for falling for the nice guys who made you laugh and made you feel as though you were enough even though they told you later on that you weren't.I'm sorry for not having a back bone when you needed me to. I'm sorry for growing up to be the person I promised you would never be. I'm sorry I let you down and became broken and weak from heart break and broken promises.

I'm sorry I didn't love you and that I wasn't enough.

I'm sorry Bre, please forgive me?

Bre James

This Is Why She Doesn’t Believe That She’s Beautiful — Thought Catalog

Boys like her. But not the boy. And his opinion is the only one that matters.

via This Is Why She Doesn’t Believe That She’s Beautiful — Thought Catalog

My Advice

If you are reading this then one of two things have happened 1) you’ve started college and finally left the town that was holding you back from your dreams or 2) you’ve graduated and ultimately ended back up in the town that was holding you back from your dreams but at least you have a degree. When it comes to college there are a lot of things that don’t seem real once you get there. You think that you have all the time in the world to have fun and not really worry about classes or your grades your first year. I’ll tell you a secret everything you’ve been told about college is a complete lie except for the one where they say “those four years will fly by fast” that actually is the truth.

There are so many things that can happen within those four years that are very important to cherish but at the same time you want to stay focused. When it comes to classes time management is everything but what is most important is that you choose a major you’ll love. Never settle for a major that people continue to say will help you get a job because honestly the job market will hire anyone with skills and determination no matter what they majored in. If you’re the party type where you like to have fun, hello me, then I have something important to share. Make sure you get your work done first before you play because there’s nothing worse than trying to do a homework assignment hungover.

College isn’t scary nor is it hard but it is challenging. It will challenge you mentally and it will challenge you physically. When you first start college all you want to do is have fun and mingle with people to create friendships that will either last a lifetime or end before they even begin. Don’t stress yourself out about having a ton of friends because they will come to you when you least expect it. Another thing that I want every single person to know is that financial aid is no joke and the people who work in the financial office can be a pain in your butt.

When you start to apply for colleges or you have just received your acceptance letter make sure you read and follow up on all the financial aid as possible. Get good grades that will definitely help in the long run when it comes to paying for school. It’s not cheap to attend college and it’s not easy getting the help you really need if you’re from a financial background that isn’t wealthy. Never let the fact that you don’t have enough money stop you from having fun in college but don’t do what I did and drink your financial aid. Know that there are resources out there, like Earnest, that can help make paying off your college debt much more affordable by refinancing your student loans. By educating yourself on resources that can help you refinance your student loans you won’t have to work two jobs and balance school work just to stay in school you couldn’t afford in the first place.

Budget, budget, budget don’t be afraid to save money and miss out on certain occasions because you don’t have the money. There will be other opportunities that are free within your school that you can participate in to where you can save your money while still having fun. And I don’t care what anyone says stock up on those ramen noodles because you can make plenty of meals from just one pack of noodles alone. Remember you’re not in high school anymore where your parents gave you money for food or you had some great friends who bought you food. You’re on your own with a sea of strangers going through the motion just like you, so don’t worry about being judged because they understand what it’s like to finally be free from their parents.

Honestly those fours years may seem like a drag because you’re going to classes and listening to material you won’t need in the real world. But college is one of the best decisions you can make for yourself now and in the future. I have a bachelors degree in business and guess what I’m a supervisor at one of the biggest wholesale companies ever known. Was my time in college hard? absolutely, was it worth it? of course even though I had to grow up and become an adult I wouldn’t change my experience for the world. College showed me a whole new side of life which was both good and bad but I survived and you can to if you just think logically and realistically about your surroundings.

Don’t let those four years fly by with nothing to show for. Don’t give up because the courses are too hard and all you want to do is have fun and party with your friends. You can do all that and more if you prioritize your time wisely and you’re keeping track of your grades because losing a scholarship in college is tough and it makes paying for it harder, trust me I would know. Ultimately you will go through your own experiences that differ from everyone else’s but always remember you are your own person and everything that you go through whether it’s good or bad don’t worry about because you’re not alone and you will make it.

If there was one thing I want all of you new kids on the block to know, you’re obviously to young to know them but they were great, is that you’ll have the best time of your life in college even when bad stuff happens you will be grateful for college. Granted no one likes to remember the heartbreaks, the failed classes, academic probation, which I’ve never experienced but I’ve seen people really work hard to not get kicked out of school because of their failing grades, not being able to afford your education. But in the end everything works itself out if you just have faith that you can survive. Not every experience will be bad and not every college story you hear will be the same.

It all starts with you and it all ends with you and the choices you make. Time management is your friend because that’s one thing you can’t get back. Get work done first and party later, and if you’re struggling mentally don’t be afraid to reach out to your school counselor because trust me I say that college is challenging mentally it’s challenging mentally and you want to keep your mental health strong no matter what.

Well that’s pretty much all I have to really say to all you fresh high school graduates. I mean I could go on and on about the ins and outs of college and what I’ve personally experienced which maybe one day I will and you’ll be able to see a different story than what you’re used to seeing. One thing I will say is that I’m glad I went to college and experienced what I did because it really opened my eyes to a lot of things in this world that I was too naive to acknowledge when I was 18. So enjoy your time away from home and just do your best because that’s all you can do. It’s not a competition on who can accomplish the most because trust me people who have majored in the most crucial courses end up working somewhere they never even expected to work at.

until next time lads,

Bre James

Woah Hello June and Hello WordPress

Well it has officially been an entire year since I have posted anything on my blog. I kind of went ghost without telling anyone or maybe I did but can’t really remember if I did or not. And if you’re wondering if I’m going to apologize like most people do when they take time out of their life to get their life together well unfortunately nope I will not be, no offense. The reason why I took a break from WordPress was for multiple reasons 1) I have a full time job working 40+ hours a week 2) I was having relationship/friendship problems I needed to work on 3) Although I had plenty to talk about with all of you I didn’t want to post any of it due to the fact I wasn’t in the right mind to really share everything with the public again and 4) the updates that WordPress keeps having makes it harder for me to use when I have to do certain things on the website as opposed to right there in the app like I was able to do so many times.

But here I am giving you guys a semi update on why I have been MIA. Now you might be asking since I’ve come out of hiding will I be blogging more and honestly the answer is probably not. There might be days where I will feel like sharing something important with all of you but as of now I’m not whole heartedly focused on blogging anymore even though I am still writing I’m just not sharing my words on my blog. From time to time you might see me repost something old from myself or something new from someone else. It’s funny though that ever since I took a break from blogging I’ve been getting emails asking me to write about certain topics. I guess what they say is right “if you stop searching for what you want, what you want will search for you” or something along those lines.

I just wanted to share this little post and maybe when I don’t have a severe headache and I’m feeling up to it I will do a full on year update about everything that had happened in my life including my current love life situation, believe me it’s great.

until then lovely people,

Bre James

This Time Around, I’m Done With You — Thought Catalog

Meiying NgThis year I’m done with you. I’m done sitting around waiting for you to realise that I was always there by your side whenever you needed me. I’m done being available to you anytime you called or texted. I’m done waiting for you to realise that I was worth it, that I was worth…

via This Time Around, I’m Done With You — Thought Catalog

10 Ways You’re Blocking Love From Your Life (Without Even Noticing That You Are) — Thought Catalog

@batoshka1. You get defensive every time you like someone. Because you’re guarded or you don’t want to get hurt so your body enters into defensive mode blocking you from being approachable, soft or vulnerable. 2. You think everyone is like your ex. You think everyone is going to treat you the way your ex treated…

via 10 Ways You’re Blocking Love From Your Life (Without Even Noticing That You Are) — Thought Catalog

Do Yourself A Favor And Finally Move On — Thought Catalog

I’m PriscillaI am still always thinking about you. It’s funny that despite the countless times you made me feel I wasn’t worth it, I could never be good enough, and everything was my fault, I can only remember the good stuffs. Come to think of it, this is the case, since right from this very…

via Do Yourself A Favor And Finally Move On — Thought Catalog

 16 Signs You’re In Denial About How Toxic He Is — Thought Catalog

Jesse Herzog1. Whenever you get mad at him, you tell yourself that you’re overreacting. That you’re the crazy one. That you need to tone your emotions down if you want to keep him around. 2. You make excuses for him. Whenever he screws up, you find a way to justify the hurtful things that he did. He…

via 16 Signs You’re In Denial About How Toxic He Is — Thought Catalog

If You Want To Get Your Year On Track Right Now, Do These 7 Simple Things — Thought Catalog

Jonas Verstuyft1. Start completely fresh. There’s no reason for you to hang onto the negative things that happened yesterday, or feel defeated because you ate terribly the first day of the New Year. What’s in the past is exactly that—the past. Today is a new day, so start completely fresh. Tell yourself that your goals,…

via If You Want To Get Your Year On Track Right Now, Do These 7 Simple Things — Thought Catalog