Life Update

Well hello friends and friends of friends, so once again I’ve been mia blah blah blah. You guys already know the deal whenever I pop out of nowhere with a post it’s mainly because working a full time job that takes up all your time and trying to blog on your days off is not as easy for some people, i.e me, as it is for professional bloggers. I would love to be a professional blogger who travels the world writing about food and stuff but I’m not and even though I can make that happen for myself I’m trying to stabilize myself in life.

But I just wanted to do a small life update post to let everyone know I’m still around I occasionally still read other peoples blogs to keep up on what I’ve missed out on. I really wish WordPress would go back to normal because with the new updates some things are harder to do than before such as reblogging someone. For whatever reason I have to go to the WordPress website if I want to reblog someone when before I could just do it from the app.

I know the last time I posted something I said I would write about my skincare routine and that never happened because life. But lately there have been so many things that I’ve been witnessing that I want to share with others and get their take on some things. So in all honesty be on the look out for that post because it will either have a basic title to it or the topic of what the post will be about. But as like a heads up for what might come I may or may not hang up my WordPress blog I haven’t really decided yet.

I know people say you make time for what you love and yes I do love writing but my WordPress to me has changed over the years since I’ve had. When I first started it, it was like a journal to me to share my thoughts and what not. Then I made it into reviews of shows and stuff which honestly I don’t know why I think I did that just to have some content other than what seemed like me complaining about my life. Now it just seems like a chore that I forget about doing on a daily basis, I barely open the app to read anything unless it’s been forever and I feel like I’m missing out on great content.

I also think that since I’ve bought so many journals that physical writing to me is so much better than internet writing unless it’s for something or someone. I haven’t really lost the spirit of writing it’s just to be able to write it with pen and paper and not have the entire world read it feels better than what I’m doing now in my opinion. It might also be just the simple fact that I’ve been somewhat talking more about what bothers me in life instead of keeping it to myself just to write about it later for people who may or may not care.

So yeah this may or may not be the last year of this blog. I might keep it but barely post or I might change the direction of this blog or I just might make an entirely brand new blog with fresh content, who really knows because I sure don’t as of yet. What does that mean for all 400+ followers well if I decide to make a new one I’ll post it, if I decide to delete this I’ll post it, and if I decide to change the direction guess what? I’ll post it to let you know. And if you’re wondering about my “poetry” blog I’ll actually be deleting that one as of today.

I’ve been so focused on my life and trying to get it right that I’ve neglected writing and staying updated on this blog anyway. But in like 2-3 days I’ll have two back to back posts about stuff just to say I met my quota of blogging. So yeah the fate of this blog will be decided not any time soon though but when I do make the final decision I’ll let you guys know.

Until then,

Bre James

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Warby Parker: Fall Collection

It’s beginning to look a lot like fall the most wonderful time of the year! Did you see what I did there? for all you winter fans I took the most popular line that’s used around Christmas time and used it for my favorite season Fall aka Autumn. I’m so glad that it’s starting to cool down and become beanie weather but that’s not what this post is about entirely. I wanted to share with all of you the most beautiful fall collection brought to you by Warby Parker. If you have never heard of Warby Parker you are missing out on the cutest prescription frames and sunglasses I’ve laid my eyes on.

What or who is Warby Parker you might ask? That’s a great question and it can be answered here What is Warby Parker? I would give you all the details about this wonderful company but I don’t want to take away from what is important which is their new fall collection that is launching today September 12th! Not only does Warby Parker provide the most beautiful eyeglasses but they offer cute sunglasses as well to fulfill everyone’s needs. I’m a big fan of cute framed glasses and sunglasses and Warby Parker has the exact styles I would wear when I’m out on the town or just relaxing with friends.

I mean take a look at this style which I think is by far my favorite style because I can wear these with a beanie, long tee, and leggings and feel like a total hipster they are that cute.

And if I wanted to go with a more casual look with a cardigan and jeans I would go with the vintage look because who doesn’t love an edgy vintage look that captures everyone’s attention?

These frames are so cute that you can wear them casually or you can wear them when you have an interview and you want to be taken seriously and look like an adult. They have that “I’m an adult hear me roar” type feel that everyone would look at and say “wow she has her life together just look at those frames”

What I love about this new fall collection is not only the styles that Warby Parker provides but the various colors that can go with any outfit at any time. You can be out on the town with your gal friends or your male pals and you won’t feel self conscious that your glasses don’t go with your outfit.

I don’t know about you guys but when I buy new glasses I make sure they are the type of style that will go with any and everything. I have had moments with my old glasses that everyone loved but I hated because I felt they didn’t go with my outfits at all!

With Warby Parker’s new fall collection they provide a variety of styles and colors that can be interchangeable and go with anything. For instance if I went out and all I wanted to wear were converses and a simple t shirt I would definitely pull out these bad boys that I think can be worn all day and even in the night.

Now I know what you’re thinking? Bre I’m ready to buy these glasses because they are exactly what I need in my life and I would absolutely agree with you. But wait there’s more…did I mention that they have super cute sunglasses as well that is a part of their new fall collection? I didn’t *gasp* shame on me for trying to keep greatness from you lovely people.

Not only does Warby Parker have super cute glasses but they also have really adorable sunglasses that are to die for. I’m not a huge sunglasses person even though they protect my eyes from the blinding sun. I’m more of a wear a hat and use the beak to shield my precious eyeballs.

But Warby Parker has such cute sunglasses that they have made me into someone who would buy a pair because they will go with anything I mean just look at these frames

Speaking of hats you know those really big floppy hats that really fancy and high class women wear when they go and drink tea or accompany their husband at the race tracks while they watch horses race? Well these sunglasses would definitely go with that style and pull it off so well that the ladies who aren’t wearing them will approach you asking you “where did you get those sunglasses they are to die for?”

And like the high class woman that you are you would say “Warby Parker darling, they have all the greatest styles”, that was definitely meant to be said in a British accent because it would sound so cool in that setting. I mean these sunglasses or sunnies as some people call them have the most versatile style that they can go with any thing. Whether you’re going out for drinks or on a conference call these frames will keep you looking stylish day and night.

The best thing about Warby Parker is that they are not only a business that provides prescription sunglasses and eyeglasses for both men and women, but they also provide eye exams and take insurance that most companies do not. I know how expensive it can be to get an eye exam on top of new glasses especially from a place that doesn’t take certain insurances.

But Warby Parker is not one of those companies, they will assist and work with you when it comes to affording your new eyeglasses or sunglasses. They have your best interest at heart and they only want to make you happy.

Well everyone that’s going to wrap this post up and I hope you all have a wonderful day. But don’t forget if you’re looking for some new and improved stylish and delightful eyeglasses and sunglasses take a look at the new fall collection from Warby Parker today! Trust me you don’t want to miss out on cute and affordable eye wear that you can wear all day and all night!

Until next time,

Bre James

Face Masks Galore

Hey all how is everything going with everyone? For me you might ask I’m thriving that’s the best word I can use to describe how I’m doing. So as you can see this post is about face masks which I absolutely love! Disclaimer face masks aren’t meant to be used constantly if you are trying to conquer smooth and incredible skin, that’s what water is for. Face masks are simply used to give your skin a boost in a short and fast period of time. I have grown to love them and use them on my off days when I feel as though my skin and face overall need some touching up also because I’m not drinking enough water like I should be oops.

But what I love most about the various face masks that I have been trying is that they lift my skin and leave it with a glow. Plus I get to relax and watch my favorite tv show, Teen Wolf, while the mask works its magic. Now I have tried a variety of masks and so far my favorite is the Bioré one minute charcoal self heating mask followed by Yes To face masks. I have perfected my facial routine over the years I never suffered from acne like most people the only time I break out is when it’s that time of the month. But when I was in high school I tried different face washes to help with my combination skin. I have dry sensitive skin that becomes very oily and I tried so many different cleansers that barely worked.

I think it wasn’t until my Junior year of high school that I found a cleanser that worked for me and that was St. Ives until it started to not work for me anymore. So once I got to college I stopped washing my face and I noticed that I broke out from time to time due to my diet. It wasn’t until I started to notice that my face didn’t have a glow to it anymore and it didn’t seem as smooth as it used to be when I was younger. So I set out to find the perfect cleanser for my face I most definitely did with Clear Pore Cleanser/Mask by Neutrogena. This cleanser is by far the best one yet for my skin it doesn’t dry it out like I noticed what St. Ives was doing.

Also whenever I’m too lazy to wash my face, which is all the time, I use equate facial cloths which leave my face feeling fresh and clean plus it has a great smell to it. After I wipe my face with the cloth I apply the cleanser and sometimes I’ll decide if I’m just using it as a wash or as a mask. The only time I use it as a mask is when my face just feels completely gross other than that I’ll use it as a basic cleanser that leaves my face feeling revitalized. After I cleanse they say you’re supposed to put moisturizer on your face but I don’t do that because I haven’t found the right one. But if I have to immediately head to work and I know I’ll be in the sun I apply Coppertone Oil Free Faces with an SPF of 50+ to keep my skin from drying out.

I think after writing this post I’ll make a daily face routine post in the near future and go step by step on what I do to keep my face looking and feeling clean and fresh on the daily but in the mean time I’ll post pictures of the products I’m currently using! I’ll probably also post a health post about my shift to a plant based diet and what I’ve been eating, drinking, and the exercises I’ve adapted.

So until next time everyone I hope you enjoy your Sunday and your Labor Day if you have it off, I don’t but I can’t complain when my bills are getting paid right!

Until next time,

Bre James

$10,000 Dream Trip

Have you ever wanted to go on a trip so amazing that you’ll make yourself jealous when you look back on it? I know I have and I know exactly what type of dream trip I would take if I had the opportunity to live life to the fullest. Now I know that planning a trip can be stressful especially from the financial stand point but there is a way to make it less stressful. First things first you’ll want to know the destination you want to head to so that you can search for fair and reasonable tickets. I’m going to let you in on a secret that has helped me when it came to taking small trips. When you’re searching for your dream location make sure you search for plane tickets on Tuesday morning and if you plan on looking at those tickets to see if the price went down erase your cache and clear your cookies. Trust me you’ll thank me in the future when you see a $500+ ticket go down to $200-$300.

But the most important thing out of planning a trip is budgeting. If I was given the amount of $10,000 to take a vacation of a lifetime I would make sure I allocate that money through budgeting in what I know I would need to make this the perfect dream. First, you need to choose the destination so there’s money for the ticket. Secondly, you want to decide if you’ll cab everywhere depending on where you are going or if you’ll rent a car. Thirdly, you’ll want to budget how much money you’ll need for food and extra expenses, that’s if you plan on shopping on your trip which I really hope you are planning to do. Fourthly, you’ll want to check on hotels or hostiles and see how much that will cost you but since this is a new age we have the wonderful creation of Airbnb and similar companies to Airbnb. I highly suggest checking through Airbnb just to see what you can get for a good price as opposed to a standard website.

When you are done with your budgeting and seeing how much money you’ll be cashing out you’ll want to decide what exactly you’ll do on your dream trip. I know for me my dream trip would be to travel all of Europe and see every historical monument that existed back in the roman times. For me $10,000 can go a long way to where I’ll have money left over just as long as I allocate expenses for food, travel, shopping, Uber or cab and my living arrangements ahead of time. If you don’t have the funds to fully pay for your trip you can always look in other financial directions such as personal loans.

Many people think that they have to work all day and all night and save save save just to find their dream trip but that’s not always true. If you know that most of your trip will take up your $10,000 budget then you should turn to resourceful solutions such as personal loans. Let’s say your ticket cost $500, room and board cost $500, Uber/Cab on a daily $500, food costs about $300, shopping costs $800 because you saw the cutest dress in the window of Paris that cost your entire paycheck and then little nick knacks here and there costs about $500. I mean in a sensible world that seems reasonable depending on where you go because that’ll be about $3,100 spent so far. If you tie in how much you actually have and it comes to where you feel like you’ll run out of money and be stuck in the place you go then by all means do yourself a favor and invest in a personal loan.

When it comes to planning trips not many people know that they have a lot of options to help finance their trips. That’s what this post is about it’s to give you helpful tips on how to budget and plan your dream trip so that you can love and live life to fullest like the wanderlust love bugs that you guys are. If you ever need anymore help or any other tips on how to plan a dream trip you know where I’ll be until then enjoy life guys and don’t let finances hold you back from your dreams!

Until next time,

Bre James

Stage Five: Acceptance (Delay)

This post will be delayed until further notice meaning until I finally accept what is going on.

Until then

Stage Four: Depression

Since this stage is so personal for me I'm not really going to make it super long because I'll start revealing stuff I rather keep to myself until the time is right to share. Just like stage two I know this stage very very well because I am accustomed to what it's like to be depressed. And I'm not talking about the occasional bad day where everything is going wrong type depression but the actual my world is caving in and the darkness is surrounding me and I don't want to leave my bed type of depression that has to be monitored.

The reason why this stage for me is hand in hand with anger is because after I'm angry I'm depressed and after I'm depressed I become angry again because I can't get scenarios out of my head. I've spent time and time again locked in my head trapped in my bed wishing that the world would just stop and that all the pain I feel would go to someone else. But as I think about that I think to myself that I don't wish this type of pain on anyone at all because it's the type of pain that makes you want to end it all. I've battled my fair share of head demons that tell me "you'll be happier if you just let go" and sometimes I agree with them but in the end I know I can't do it.

My junior year of college was my worst mental year to date because it was the year I tried to kill myself with alcohol which is why I don't drink anymore once again. It was terrible for me because I put my feelings into a boy that I knew wasn't healthy for me. So here I am again with the same pattern and same situation where I put my feelings into someone that I never wanted to be with romantically, I just wanted to be friends. That's the problem with me I want to be friends with guys but I guess the way I am gives them the wrong idea. If I openly want to be with a guy I'll make it well known that I want to be more than friends but some guys take being nice to them as me wanting to be with them.

Out of all the friendships and relationships I've dealt with this one hurts me the most and I don't know why. I don't know what makes him so different than any other guy, it might be because he is a sensitive guy and I've never really met one of those before. Every guy I've come in contact with seems sensitive but turns out to be an ass and I know it's not their fault completely. Males were raised to not be sensitive or to show their emotions because that made them weak but this boy is different. He's clearly the most sensitive boy I've ever met yet an asshole at the same time. He's been hurt so the only way he can cope with things is to hurt others around him.

When I told him that if he and I ended up not being friends anymore it would hurt me more than him and he seemed to understand that. But at the same time it was as if he was intentionally trying to hurt my feelings even after I told him that I cared for him and that he was important to me and that I valued our friendship. I was serious when I said I didn't want to lose him but he just took that and threw it in my face that he lied about caring just like he lied about everything else. He is the type to lie about things for no reason and then when confronted lies even more.

I'm tired of caring about people and not caring about myself first. I'm tired of putting people before myself and not putting myself first. I'm tired of letting people in my life that end up fucking me over and then in the end I fuck myself over because I care too much. I wish I could honestly forgive and forget all the people who have done me wrong and I hope they could do the same if I ever did them wrong. I hope and pray to live a full and happy life with no thoughts of pain anywhere.

Welp that's stage four which leaves one stage left and that's the stage I have only experienced once so it shall be interesting to see if I can achieve this stage once more.

Until next time,

Bre James

Stage Three: Bargaining

Now this is a very interesting stage for me because I've never experienced what it was like to bargain in a situation. In reality I think that I might have experienced this, it's just that I don't remember whether or not I knew that's what I was doing. I had to google to check and see what bargaining consisted of what the real meaning of it was. According to google it means to pretty much think of a better scenario in normal terms. For instance I would say in my situation now "I wish I had treated him better" or "I wish I would have said this instead of that and maybe things would have been different".

All this time that's what I have been doing my whole life with everything. When it comes to friendships and relationships that have failed I always asked myself if there was something I could have said or done different or was this just supposed to happen. In this case I'm not sure if I really know whether or not I'm going to miss this friendship or if this was supposed to happen for the best. I'm still growing as a person and I'm still learning how to deal with things but it's not easy when you're an emotional person who goes through multiple moods signs that are triggered by the littlest things.

I'm not really going to say much about this stage because I've never really fully experienced what it's like to bargain a loss or even really grieve a loss. I mean I've lost friends but clearly their friendship didn't mean much to me because I've moved on and haven't spoken to them since. But I can tell you that stage four might be the longest post out of all five of these because just like Anger I know stage four all too well and it goes hand in hand with stage two for me so stay tuned for that one tomorrow if you're still reading these at this point.

Until next time,

Bre James

Stage Two: Anger

It's a love/hate relationship with anger because it's the one emotion that I can express so easily without any hesitation. What makes me easily angered you might ask? Well for starters I hate that I love and feel everything so deeply. I hate that I let the opinions of others get under my skin. I hate that I allow boys to control my feelings and the way I think about myself. I hate that no matter what I do I can't find any love for myself. I hate the fact that I'm becoming too "human" in a sense, I'll explain this one later on. I hate that I have allowed anger to become a well known friend. I hate that I rather be angry than sad because being angry shows that I'm not weak. So here we are folks the stage I'm very familiar with, the stage I can't seem to part, the stage that defines my world. Welcome to stage two: Anger

I won't say that I'm an angry person but I won't say that I'm a happy person either as of now I don't really know what type of person I am. I used to have a really bad temper when I was younger but as I got older and life started to happen my temper became dormant. It took longer to invade my mind and boil my temperature to the point where I wanted to flip out. But now as I'm getting even older I'm starting to notice that my old friend Anger is making its appearance much easier this time. What's it like to realize that you are growing backwards instead of forward? The reason why I ask this is because you're supposed to become more calm and collected with age. You go through your immature phase when you're a teen but once you hit your 20's you're supposed to be smarter and more careful.

Here I am one year away from being in my mid-twenties and I've let so many obstacles invade my personal growth with myself and with my mind. I'm very familiar with anger because it was an easy way to express myself. I'm mad, I'm pissed, I'm angry and you can see it all over my face and by my body language. I don't enjoy being able to express this emotion so easily but in all honesty I rather be mad than be sad. I rather be angry than be hurt and moping around. The only thing I hate most about being angry is that I want to hurt someone and that someone is particularly myself. I become angry with myself before I become angry with another person.

You know how most people have an angel and a devil that sits on their shoulders trying to convince them what they should do in a situation? Yeah well I have two devils because it seems as though my angel when on vacay and hasn't returned since. It's a constant battle fighting with my conscience and making the right choice when I have two little demons in both ears saying "do it, you know you want to" and I let them win. I know I should be more mature when handling this situation that I am currently going through but I'm,and excuse the language, I'm fucking pissed that I allowed this to happen to me.

I allowed this person to get close to me and make me put my guard down and break my walls just to have him turn around and break me. I want to punch him in the face or slap him or chop him in the throat. I want to cause harm and pain towards him but I know that's just out of anger not how I actually feel. But being able to physically take my anger out on the person who is causing all this hurt would be so nice and I know it would feed my demons. I told myself after Theo and Dylan that I would never let another male interfere with my mental and personal growth. So why am I here writing this post about being angry?

Being angry isn't necessarily a bad thing if you know how to control your anger and you don't act out in a manner that will have you on the six o clock news. I will never be so angry to the point where I want to kill someone because that's just not in my nature. The reason why I can cope with being angry is because I have dealt with a lot of stuff in my life that has caused me to become angry. I try my hardest to let things go and to not care but it's so difficult when you're the caring type. I try to give off this ice princess persona but in reality I'm the most fragile flower growing from concrete that you'll ever meet. I'm not as tough as I try to give off because my heart gets easily broken by people I care for and never want to lose.

I never wanted to lose him and I told him that it would hurt me more than him. So here I am completely destroyed by a boy who doesn't know his heart from his dick. Here I am expressing my love/hate relationship with anger because it's easy for me to cope with. Here I am making five posts because I'm grieving a lost friendship. I'm mad at myself because I always do this to myself I get too close to people who end up fucking me over no matter how hard I try to be a better person and an even better friend towards them. I told myself I would never let anger win but here I am letting anger win the battle and the war.

I don't want to be angry anymore, so hopefully and let's pray that I can get passed stage two and make it to stage three a stage I've always skipped over and have no relationship with at all.

Until next time,

Bre James

Stage One: Denial

So I'm going to make five posts in correlation to the five stages of Grief which is known as DABDA or that's how I say it so I can remember it and the stages. I think this will be a great way for me to cope with how I'm feeling as of now and it will be easy for me to express myself through each post. The first stage is Denial for those of you who haven't taken psychology yet or are taking intro to psychology. Psychology was honestly my favorite subject in high school and college even though I was just average at the subject I was intrigued by the studies of various psychologists such as Sigmund Freud and his Freudian slips. Anyway let's dive into stage one which is my favorite Denial.

I could be like everyone else and say that they have never been in denial before but that's not me. I'm the type of person who can admit when I'm wrong even if I don't want to. I'm stubborn and if you believe in astrological signs, Pisces over here, then you can correlate how a person is based on what the stars say about them. Being in denial is the worst type of feeling because you know the truth but you just don't want to admit it or cope with it. I can openly admit that I was in denial for a couple of months when it came to dealing with *Tiger Smyth. I thought he was different than most boys when I first met him. Actually when I first met him I thought he was really weird but that's another story for another day.

Tiger and I didn't become close friends until maybe like mid January when I decided to be nice to him. Everything seemed chill and cool even though he had a misconception about something. After I found out that he lied to me about something back in December I didn't really want much to do with him but at the same time I still wanted to keep him in my life. That was the first mistake I made which was not confronting him from the beginning and allowing to let the little things build up. I thought to myself I'm just being paranoid because I have major trust issues when it comes to people especially people that lie to me about things instead of asking me straight up.

It wasn't until around March maybe April when I started to realize that I didn't want to be his friend anymore and that I really didn't want anything to do with him because of the games he played and the lies he told. He used to make me happy and laugh all the time but then it turned into unhappiness and fake laughter. I couldn't find a way to tell him that I no longer wanted to be friends with him so I did what I normally do best and that's sabotaging. I tried for months to delete him from snapchat but I couldn't because I wanted to try and make our friendship work. It was all such a weird and complicated situation because he thought I had feelings for him and people kept saying he had feelings for me even though he kept claiming that he liked me as a friend. To this day I still question if maybe people were right that he actually did have feelings but he didn't want to get hurt because I kept saying that we were just friends.

I was in denial because I was confused about everything that was going on between he and I but deep down I knew the truth as well. I started to become emotionally attached to him which made me care about him more than I should have. I wanted the best for him, I wanted to see him happy instead of miserable, I wanted to see him win at everything he set his mind to. But then the truth started to keep popping its head around at the fact that I no longer wanted to be friends with him. It was constant fighting with each other over little things that we would just ignore and move on to just have
another fight and it was a constant cycle.

The moment that started everything just going down hill for us was when I expressed to him how I was feeling and he ignored it by not responding to my message and then giving me the silent treatment. I should have known that was the moment and the sign that this friendship wasn't going to last and I should have ended it then and there by removing him from snapchat at that point and then cutting all communication from him. But I didn't want to do that because I was in denial and thought that I could resolve our problem and make our friendship better but I was wrong, dead wrong.

So here I am now about to post five Grief posts all related to losing this one person that I didn't want to lose and that I still want to be friends with even though the friendship wasn't healthy for me in the first place. I don't know what makes him so special to where I just don't want to lose him but I need to figure that out for my own sake. I should just let this friendship die and never revive but I just can't and I don't know why. I need an answer and I think I need that answer from him because when I say my heart is broken guys I truly mean my heart is broken. Normally I don't fight for friendships, I just pretend the person doesn't exist and move on but with Tiger I can't seem to do that and now I'm pissed and angry that I wasted my time and energy on him but I will always care for him no matter what.

This concludes post one of five I'll probably have post two up later today considering the fact it's the stage I know all so well and I'm currently stuck in.

Until next time,

Bre James

*name has been changed to protect the persons identity

“I let bitterness,jealousy, and fear run my life”

Now you might be curious as to why the post is titled with a quote, well to answer your question it's because it's a very relatable quote that was said by Justin Bieber in response to why he canceled the rest of his purpose tour. He said he wanted to be a sustainable person with a sustainable heart, mind, and soul and that he was tired of letting negative relationships take over his mind.

On a personal level I completely understand where he is coming from especially when it comes to negative relationships or friendships because lately those have been taking over my life. I'm not the best person in the world and I'm not the greatest friend in the world either but the one thing I do the most is care about people and their well being.

But while I'm trying to be a better person and work on myself I continue to let things and people interfere with my progress. I can't help but get mad over the fact that I'm constantly allowing people to control my feelings as opposed to having control over my own feelings. I understand that everything that happens in my life is by choice but why can't I choose the right people to have in my life?

It took a mental breakdown in college for me to realize that sometimes I am the problem and that's why I decided to get help for that but I feel like the more I try to be the best version of myself something happens to come back and just make me fall back. Karma is real no matter what anyone says but I've already dealt with it once and I feel like I'm experiencing it again because I decided to just let things happen without having a back bone and speaking up.

Back to the quote at hand I honestly feel that is exactly what I have let happen to my life I have consistently let bitterness, jealousy, and fear run my life and ruin a lot of opportunities for me when it comes to better relationships and friendships. I was bitter with the girls who had stable relationships. I was jealous of the girls who would get the guys I fancied and then rub it in my face. I was afraid to love and open myself up to others because I feel everything so deeply and I become emotionally attached to people I want to keep in my life.

Once again I have met someone that I wanted to keep in my life forever but he turned out to be a complete ass who really doesn't deserve me as a friend. I've done everything for him and yet he's never done anything for me all he did was use me for favors and for my age. I wouldn't really say I've lost friends but I'm going to use that sentence, I've lost friendships that weren't going to last because I always saw the persons true colors after awhile. But it made me think to myself maybe they were just a reflection of me because they always say your vibe attracts your tribe.

Okay so I've kind of started rambling and getting off topic but this is how I've been feeling lately because I'm going through a heartbreaking friend break up that has me bitter, jealous, and fearful that I'll never get him back as a friend because I keep acting out in anger. I'm definitely in the 2nd stage of Grief which is pretty much how I sort my life out. And if you're not familiar with DABDA it's the five stages of Grief which I am currently going through.

Welp I'm going to end it here.

Until next time,

Bre James