Hello everyone, I thought I would write a post giving an update to everything that is going on in my life. Pretty much life currently is sucky and I don’t know what to do about anything anymore. My mental health is getting worse, my heart is getting worse, and I’m at the point where the only way to feel better is to call it quits. I’m tired of my feelings being invalidated and feeling like every single thing I do is never good enough. I’m tired of having emotional breakdowns and getting to the point where I want to explode. I want to go cold turkey on my antidepressants because I don’t like the affect they have on me. I’m irritable, emotional, fed up, jealous, about to explode, and worst of all I just don’t want to live anymore.
My will to live a normal and healthy life is getting to the point where it’s not worth it anymore. Nothing is worth it anymore at this point but I know the right thing to do is to continue getting help but my doctor really needs to give me new meds because I’m like tired of being like this. Now that all the bad things in my life are out in the open I do have good news which is I passed my supervisor examine for my job and I’m “training” but I have the option to either accept or deny the position and I honestly think that I will deny the offer because me and *Trevor keep bumping heads.
Story time on the whole *Trevor situation just so you guys know where I’m coming from. When I started working at my retail job I was a new person who didn’t know what to do. Time goes by and I’m getting the hang of everything, now with my position we have multiple supervisors. Here enters *Trevor who I had no problem with when I first started working at my job but then an incident happened and I lost all trust and respect for him. Now there was another issue that happened,which still isn’t solved, but it wasn’t the main issue I had with him. The first and main issue I had with him I told him the same day but he ignored me and took it as a joke. By him doing this I felt that I could no longer come to him as someone I trusted to help me when there was a problem. Then there’s the favoritism issue which doesn’t matter anymore because he’s going to continue to do it but whatever.
*Trevor and I butt heads mainly because he always invalidates my feelings and passes it off as me having an attitude with him. Which is not the case because if I had an attitude it would be directed at everyone and not just one person. I can’t have an open and honest conversation with him because he constantly treats me like shit and then he really doesn’t care about anyone else at that job except for one person. I feel absolutely bad about taking my anger and frustration out on the person who he treats better because honestly it’s not her fault. Now she and I are both “training” for the supervisor positions that are open but I know that I can get along with her better but not with *Trevor. Also he is the main reason why I would leave my job because I can’t stand people not treating EVERYONE EQUALLY!!
I’m not going to go into other details about other things but I’m just getting to my boiling point where not being alive is a better option than living right now. Since all that is out there I hope you all are having a better life than I am and I hope it stays that way also.